Those Pesky Unknowns

Walking Toward Uncertainty

We carry the weight of Not-Knowing, all of us. We groan under the burden of all that is hidden, unexplained, puzzling or vague. The Unknowns are looming in the future, and they are pesky things.

They are distant and cloaked in mystery, clouded by our human tendency to fix and predict. We often get so obsessed with the outcomes; we totally miss what’s happening in the present moment.

We are straining to see that which is unseeable, tripping over the shiny blessings at our feet.

Example? Sure, I’ve got one: Let’s say a woman is languishing over an unresolved family relationship, anxious to see it healed. While desperate to mend, she is missing out on the loved ones who do surround and support and love her without measure.

That woman is me.

Over and over, by default and by heartbreak, I reach across the abyss and freefall into the same hazy shadows of Not Quite Yet.

The simple truth is, we don’t know the outcome until we finally arrive at its doorstep. Until then, the best you and I can do is to keep moving forward. To make the best decisions we can and let go of the result.

To live with a problem, it might be a good idea to sit with the problem and make peace with the uncertainty. In the brisk cool breeze of letting go, you are infused with a kind of hope – an expectation with no expiration date.

You get up and you hope.

You do it again the next day. You hope and you dance and you laugh.

You embrace those who already surround you.

The problem is still there – the ambiguity of it all, the wondering. The waiting.

Take heart. There are, beneath the surface, unseen weavings and healing threads reaching for raggedy seams. Let that process happen without your assistance, your persistence, your gnawing hunger for an answer.

Let the answer tiptoe in. One day when you’re not looking.

By letting go of outcomes, we stay present with Joy and Wonder.

Your dilemma may not be estrangement. There are so many pesky unknowns, and they are as unique and valid as the person experiencing them.

Maybe a dream came unraveled and you had to loosen your grip.

Or maybe you’ve had to relinquish your dream so somebody else can live theirs. Try not to control the outcome; instead, show up as the best coach on the sidelines. That’s living with the Unknowns: moving onward with purpose and joy.

I invite you to look around for glimpses of goodness in the struggle. You might not find closure, but you will discover tenacity. Your steadfast grit will come alongside others who are walking toward their own unknowns.

Above all, tend to your heart. Keep it safe and pliable and available. Guard against grudges; they are crippling.

We won’t always walk toward the happy ending we imagined. It’s risky, yes – but leaning into the possibilities, staying grounded while opening our arms – that’s making peace with what’s unsolved, unsettled, unknowable.

The aches and anguish of life are in lockstep with the boons and blessings.

I leave you with a favorite quote from author, Mary Cholmondeley.

This essay also appears in Silver Magazine, a monthly insert in the Jamestown Post Journal and Warren Times Observer.